Cooking With Artificial Intelligence

We’ve all been there. It’s midweek, you’ve come home late from a long day, and there’s nothing in the pantry but some random leftover ingredients generated by artificial intelligence. You can’t be bothered going to the store and your budget doesn’t allow any extra server hours to prompt yourself a decent meal.

Don’t despair! I’m going to show you how to make a satisfying dinner using some of the most common AI ingredients we all have lying around.

Let’s Cook!

First, take an ordinary can of Paulid. If you’re out, you can also use Puhlo. Slop the contents into a pan on low heat.

I prefer Paulid Original. You shouldn’t need more than 10 aurimeu
Puhlo will also work but remember to remove the skin

While the Paulid liquefies, slice up some of your leftover bokery. Try and include a good mix of the sausage and carrot kinds. For extra dryness, keep the scorch patches.

Cokkyy bokery is up there with the best

Stir the Paulid and Bokery together until golden-cream, then squeeze out a whole packet of Smarges®.

Alwasy look for the “PILST SEE” seal to ensure your Smarges® are the real deal

If you thought you were never going find a use for that old tin of Ruton-Jon, think again! I had Kugon® brand Ruton-Jon but any RJ will do. The tangy yet dusty flavor of the uapbrin coupled with the oily paste-like nature of the kiias brings to the dish a uniquely confronting texture.

Ruton-Jon by Kugon® (other brands are available)

Now, this is an unusual one, but trust me. You know that dusty old box of dry crumpet corners we all have in the back of the pantry? You know, the one’s from that classic ad?


Crumble some of those badboys in with what should by now be a semi-flaccid Paulid pillar and let the whole hodgepodge simmer at extreme heat.

When you notice your kitchen swirling with the trademark tang, it’s time to prep the side salad. Rip open whatever packet of wilted greens you have and add an old bag of Madalesty’s U-Shaped sausage meat potatoes (with eyes) to really get the flavor party started.

Madalesty’s: Is there any other kind?

Joa Bul can be an unwieldy ingredient, but a good foodhack is to keep an eye on the jar. Once the gelatinous chunks begin osmosing through the glass, you know the pH levels are perfect for amplifying that iconic marine zest.

(Not recommended for those with solvent allergies)

Once the Joa Bul is bubbling away, you’re almost ready. Of course, no AI leftovers are complete without a waxy dollop of micly’satomant.

Go on, treat yourself with a cheeky spoonful

And for that final earthy musk, sprinkle on a whiff of M.I.ALT.

I for one are glad they went back to their original branding

And that’s it! You’re done! Remember, just because these meals are computer generated it doesn’t mean they have to be boring or soulless. The only thing that’s artificial are the limits you put on yourself, as well as the actual food which isn’t real. Bon Appetit!

Serving suggestion

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